Abigail M. Schilling

Internet, remember how I got all distant and non-bloggy last week? I'm so over that. And I'm not going to apologize because you're more interesting than that.

You're also more interesting than that little voicemail symbol on my phone. You know the one. It looks like a little envelope except it's not cool snail mail, it's VOICEMAIL. How did the cell phone people do that? Just trick us into going along with this symbol? Anthropologists care to weigh in?

Also, when I get a text message it has a little piece of paper symbol. I get that. Text... text. BUT when I have both (which happens with such regularity that I need to clarify that I'm not popular, just lazy) the phone has a conniption and displays a MAILBOX. Ding ding ding, Abigail! You've graduated to your very own PO Box. Now pick up your damn mail!

I have an unheard voicemail right now from a mystery friend who I talked to once yesterday and it was one of those conversations that I get the heebie jeebies even thinking about. Voice recognition is not one of my strong suits and unless my phone tells me who you are, I really don't know.

Me: Hello?
MF: Hey Abigail! It's [unintelligible]!
Me: Oh! Hey! [looks desperately at Carolyn, asking her, with my eyes, to turn back time and let this unknown caller go to voicemail]
MF: Do you have time this afternoon to hang out?
Me: Actually, I'm about to go into the movie theater but I can call you a little later and we could hang out tonight maybe. [Anybody who knows me knows that I hardly ever make day-of plans. It doesn't give me any gear-up time. But I said this to help keep mystery friend on the phone.]
MF: Sounds great. I was hoping we could talk about [unintelligible] [unintelligible].
Me: Yeah, great, sounds good, great! [omigod. i loath myself.]
MF: Alright, I'll talk to you later.
Me: Yeah, cool, bye!

Then I went and took four showers in the Starbucks bathroom, I felt so violated. I spent the remaining thirty minutes before the movie discussing the unintelligible conversation over and over again with Carolyn who is so patient she should get a prize. Like time. Someone give the girl more time.

We developed a few identity theories for Mystery Friend and I made a couple other calls and shot off some text messages to people who might be able to fill in some clues. And then I turned my phone off for six hours so I wouldn't have to deal with the situation. I'm so mature.

I obviously blew off poor Mystery Friend who was expecting a call back from me so we could hang out that evening and discuss who knows what. But at the time my own mental health seemed so much more important.

I found out this morning that Mystery Friend really is a friend of mine who may or may not read this blog. I also cannot listen to the voicemail because I feel so badly. I hang my head in shame. Bad friend award.

Mystery Friend, I'm sorry. I swear.