Abigail M. Schilling

I had a total meltdown today.

And I think it's cause I didn't eat lunch.

I am so not that person. I am so not that person with low blood pressure who gets cranky when I haven't eaten. I am so not that person who whines about missing lunch.

I am so not that person who has a meltdown cause I didn't eat lunch.

But there I was, ploughing through projects at work, and all of a sudden it was six. And I hadn't eaten. And my tummy hurt. And I was so whine-y. I was terribly despising myself.

But I pulled myself together, did a little self-talk, and ordered Chinese food. It was real easy, see, there is a place down the street from my house. I don't know what it's called or it's phone number because I just show up when I want food. I do know that they have signs all over their storefront announcing that they're the only Chinese in Uptown.

Uptown is like ten blocks big so there aren't a ton of restaurants. I'm pretty familiar with all of them. So I called the only Chinese restaurant on the Uptown Dining Guide and ordered some food. A lot of food. Cause my tummy hurt.

I journeyed home, throwing my long day behind me, setting my sights on Moo Shu Beef and Extra Spicy Orange Chicken. When I arrived into Uptown I remembered that it was Family Night. Oh, Uptown. You're so family-friendly. All ten blocks were closed. I had to double park in an alley facing five WRONG WAY signs two blocks from the restaurant.

I entered the restaurant (passing all the ONLY CHINESE IN UPTOWN signs) and said I was picking up some take out. The dude grabbed a prepared bag of take out and confirmed my order: chicken and rice? I said that there was actually Moo Shu too and he looked at me all confused. There was a language barrier but I was able to decipher that I had not ordered food from him. Or his restaurant. He did not catch on to any of this. I left.

Heart broken.

And I would have looked for another restaurant but all the roads were blocked and I didn't know where this other restaurant was anyway. So I gave up and made my way the final blocks home.

And big, fat, crocodile tears slipped down my face. All. The. Way. Home.

The phantom Chinese restaurant does not exist according to Google. And the Dining Guide's listed address is Starbucks' address. But they called me so many times tonight that I turned my phone on silent so I wouldn't have to deal with it.

And I ate Flaming Hot Cheetos for dinner.