The Tale of Kevin and Treasure (yes, that's her real name)
I meant to call my mom this morning on my way to work but ended up getting totally distracted by the radio because they were doing this thing where a guy reveals his feelings for a girl on air and everyone wants to hear how much of a train wreck that can be, right?
So this guy Kevin calls in and he's all, "I'm in love with my BFF, Treasure." So they call Treasure and this is what transpired:
DJs: Hi Treasure, this is the radio, you have a secret admirer.
Treasure: What? Who?
DJs: Someone who likes to do puzzles.
Treasure: ...
DJs: Treasure, who is your guy BFF?
Treasure: Well, Kevin, but I think he's gay.
DJs: Uhhh, it's Kevin. He's not gay. Would you be interested in taking things to the next level? We'll pay for you guys to have a nice dinner and if you say no, it's okay, we'll give Kevin $100 anyway.
Treasure: Really? Of course I want to take things to the next level!
DJs: [bring Kevin onto the air] Kevin, she said yes!
Kevin: Omigod!
DJs: We're so excited this is working out for you guys! You were both afraid to share your feelings! And now it's out there!
Treasure: Kevin is such a great guy. I love him to death. He's the kind of guy I imagine myself marrying.
DJs: Awwww.
Kevin: Treasure, did you just say you have imagined marrying me?
Treasure: Yeah. You guys [DJs], we're like two peas in a pod.
Kevin: You have! Okay, well, I'm going to do this right now. I'm getting get down on one knee on the radio.
Treasure. No--
Kevin: Treasure, will you marry me?
Treasure: [long pause] Are we on the air?
DJs: Yes.
Treasure: Okay, yeah, I'll marry you.
Kevin: OMIGOD.
DJs: [lose their shit] We just wanted to do this funny bit! And now you're getting married!
Kevin: OMIGOD. This is the best day ever. EVER. I'm so happy. I love you, RADIO, you're totally invited to the wedding!
Treasure [silence]
Kevin: Treasure, where are you right now? Don't go anywhere, I'll be there in 10 minutes!
DJs: First kiss of the rest of their lives!
Treasure: [silence].
Comments
Surely no one would name their child treasure. It's like when biblical people name their kids "Trampled By Wildebeests." Ah, what do I know, my name means shrub.
Posted by: heather anne | February 28, 2007 6:22 AM
Abigail I had a dream last night that you changed your blog design. I am not even joking right now.
Posted by: Cate | February 28, 2007 10:00 AM
Soon to be featured on Engaged and Underage...
Posted by: Emily | February 28, 2007 10:04 AM
Heather Anne, it's like Precious from Friends. Phoebe: Stop saying that!
Cate, I had that dream too. Probably because I was working on it illustrator for so long yesterday that it had the Tetris effect.
Emily! I wish they were underage! But they were totally legit adults! Well, I don't know if legit is the right word...
Posted by: Abigail | February 28, 2007 10:05 AM
That did not happen! When I told one of my best friends I liked him all I got was the "I think of you as a friend" speech. BULL. SHIT.
Apparently I am still bitter. Hee.
Posted by: Jennie | February 28, 2007 4:23 PM
Jennie, I feel like I should say something about karma here. Or what goes around comes around. Or something.
And it did happen. I'm not sure Treasure was thrilled.
Posted by: Abigail | February 28, 2007 5:17 PM
I'm sure I have no idea what you are referring to.
Posted by: Jennie | March 1, 2007 7:14 AM
Wait, she went from thinking he was gay to accepting his marriage proposal, all in the course of one phone call? Seems like you might want to address some stuff before you start making commitments like that.
Posted by: srah | April 1, 2007 5:29 AM