Abigail M. Schilling

When I figured out last fall that I had abandoned all sense of responsibility and hadn't been to a dentist in three years, I quickly began righting my wrongs. But looking for a dentist was something I did not have space in my life for so I asked my co-worker. She has good taste in dentists and also everything.

And my dentist is not that bad.

However, and I am entitled to my howevers since I became a regular visitor, I always feel like I'm smarter than them when I go there. And I hate that feeling.

I always have to make my appointments for 8 am because that's when they open. If I go any later in the day I have to wait at least 45 minutes. And when I go at 8 am I have to go actually at 7:45 am because if I get there at 8:05 am the waiting room is already full of people.

Once I get called back I get to hear the chatter of the office which always sounds like this:

Hygienist #1: There are like a million people in the waiting room!
Hygienist #2: I know, I don't know why the girls up front schedule so many. It's like they can't count how many rooms we have.
Hygienist #1: Did you see that Britney Spear shaved her head?
Abigail: SpearSSSSSS! Is is that hard?
Hygienist #2: Here, spit in this cup.

Really.

After I get my cavity-of-the-day filled (I'm on a plan, there was a quote with several dollar signs), I go back to the front where I get to hear the girls up front have this conversation:

Girl Up Front #1: Okay, let me rewrite this quote because it's 2007. It will just be a minute.
Abigail: Okay, no problem.
Girl Up Front #2: Why don't you go wait in the waiting room while she prepares your quote?
Abigail: I'm okay, thanks.
Girl Up Front #1: Okay, so you owe $84 for the filling you had today because ... that is what your insurance company says. And the rest of the work cannot happen all at once so we need to schedule the rest of the appointments.
Abigail: What rest of work?
Girl Up Front #1: These five.
Abigail: I just had this one done, I had this one done last month, and they told me these three needed to be done together.
Girl Up Front #1: I wish the girls in the back would be more clear about what needs to happen.

And then she ripped up the quote and charged me $66. I asked her if it mattered that it was 2007. She said no.

And I would switch dentists but the work they do is actually really good and they're not ripping me off or anything. It's totally legit and honest. It's just that they call her Britney Spear. Spear! WTF?