Abigail M. Schilling

Edited to add more pictures

When I first moved in I was skeptical of Patrick. He was sluggish and boring, I thought. But you know that thing that happens when you move in with someone knew? And you guys stay up all night talking? And there is such a novelty? That's how it was with Patrick. He DID have a personality! He was finicky and proud and loyal. He loved people and taking walks. He wouldn't let us go to bed if he wasn't tired.

And man, that last thing was so annoying! He was like a little kid, continually coming up with a new reason to not go to bed. Go outside one last time. Have a drink of water. Check on the other girls. Sniff the carpet. Run in circles. Go outside again. Stare.

But he slept at the base of my bed. He would form a bed out of my dirty clothes from that day and shove his face down into them. (Face shoving is big in Patrick's world because he doesn't have a neck.) He would rest his chin on my mattress asking patiently if he could come up. (No.)(No, Patrick.)(Patrick, go to bed.)(Bed time.) He is a great dog. A little high-maintenance, but worth it.

Last week, Cate brought home a new friend, Deacon. Deacon is big and friendly and young. Deacon is undeniably cute. Deacon lives little room for ridicule. Unless your Patrick.

Deacon and Patrick's relationship is based on jealousy and camaraderie and jealousy. Jealousy because, um, hello, clearly our (The Humans) love is quantifiable and they have to fight for it. Camaraderie because they're both dogs and this is a dog-eat-dog world and they have to stick together against The Humans (just pretend dog-eat-dog worked in that sentence). And jealousy again because Patrick is older and wiser and Deacon is faster and cuter.

It's so sad because they could really be cute if they could just get over that fact. But every time I pet one of them the other gets really upset. And if I'm holding Patrick Deacon insists on getting all up in my grill and then Patrick freaks out because, I don't know, he thinks Deacon will eat him? As soon as Patrick starts running away, though, Deacon will chase him because of the camaraderie. But Patrick is still feeling scared and jealous and he'll run into small spaces where Deacon can't fit. And then he taunts Deacon.

Yesterday morning, I woke up before Patrick and sat a bit with Deacon. When it was time to get in the shower, I decided to throw Patrick outside so he could do his business and key Deacon inside so Patrick could have some large-paw-less privacy. Both dogs were so upset with this situation. Patrick was looking at me asking, "Why the hell did you throw me outside?" and Deacon was asking, "What am I supposed to do if he is outside? You're going to be in the shower and he's going to be outside and I'm going to be sitting her all lonely." I looked back from one to the other, Patrick pleading with me through double-paned glass. "Why would you do THIS to us?!" they both asked. And I raised my hands, incredulous, and got in the shower.

Emily is giving away homemade dog treats for the best dog-related post. I firmly believe that homemade dog treats would really help this situation. See, I could explain to them about MoFo and how I blogged every single day for 30 days just so I could get them some treats. They'd be so grateful that they'd forget their difference and bind together in support of me. They wouldn't have to fight over The Humans anymore because I would have proved what we're willing to go through for BOTH of them. So, Emily, I think the choice is clear.