My health insurance provider is a bit ... communist.

It works like this: there's a compound with all the doctors, all the offices, the pharmacy everything. That way you don't go anywhere else. Which seems fairly brilliant. You can always get an appointment and they have a doctor for EVERYTHING.

Except for today when the system totally failed. I was out of asthma meds and needed more today so as to make it through the night risk-free.

Call #1

Schil: I'd like to refill my prescription.

Pharmacist Lady #1: Okay, we can't do that because you don't have any refills left.

Schil: Um, alright, is there a way I can fix that over the phone?

[I need albuterol, the most common asthma med on the market. They give it out like candy to anyone diagnosed.]

Pharmacist Lady #1: Yeah, we'll talk to your doctor about it tomorrow. [insert pharmacese]

For some reason this really overwhelmed me and I got off the phone. Heather Anne stepped in and called them back.

Call #2

Heather Anne: Is there anyway we can get Abigail albuterol today?

Pharmacist Lady #2 (Marie): Sure, we'll just talk to another doctor. Call back in an hour and it will be ready. I'll be here til 7:30 tonight if you have any questions.

Heather Anne: Great! Thanks!

Call #3

Abigail: I'm calling to see if my prescription is ready for pick-up.

Pharmacist Lady #3: Um, you don't have anymore refills.

Abigail: Right, I know that, I talked to someone two hours ago who said they would contact a doctor to get it re-prescriped.

Pharmacist Lady #3: Do you know who you talked to?

Abigail: No, I don't remember her name. But that's what she told me.

Pharmacist Lady #3: Okay, please hold.

---

Pharmacist Lady #3: Alright, I just asked everyone here and no one remembers that.

Abigail: ...

Pharmacist Lady #3: So yeah.

Abigail: Well can you fix that?

Pharmacist Lady #3: If someone had talked to you they would have said yes.

Abigail: At this point I'm just interested in getting some drugs. Can you contact the doctor like the woman earlier said she would?

Pharmacist Lady #3: I guess so. Let me log in ... ah! here it is! You talked to Marie. She left an hour ago.

Abigail: So is my prescription ready?

Pharmacist Lady #3: Well, no, I need to contact the doctor.

Abigail: Okay, sooo, when will it be ready?

Pharmacist Lady #3: Well, we close at 7. So before then.

Abigail: ...

At 5:45 Heather and I go to the pharmacy.

Abigail: I'm here to pick up my prescription. Is it ready?

Pharmacist Lady #4: You don't have any refills.

Abigail: OH. MY. GOD.

[deep breath]

Abigail: The lady I talked to on the phone said she was contacting a doctor to take care of that.

Pharmacist Lady #4: Oh, yes, I see that. Well that request is still out.

Abigail: When will it be ready?

Pharmacist Lady #4: Well the doctors are probably gone for the day.

Abigail: The woman I spoke with said this would be filled before 7.

Pharmacist Lady #4: Well I could put the request in again but no doctors will respond until tomorrow morning.

Now I know for a fact that there are boxes and boxes of this inhaler in the back. And all they need is a record showing I need this drug. And for some reason the record I have is out of refills. And refills is really just a formality because this is the kind of drug I'll use for the rest of my life.

So I thought maybe there was some way they could come up with a solution. As a scare tactic, I asked:

Abigail: Where is the nearest emergency facility if I have an attack in the night?

Pharmacist Lady #4: ...

Abigail: Since I don't have enough albuterol to last me through the night I need to know where I can go if I have an attack.

Pharmacist Lady #4: There's an emergency facility in Garden Grove.

Scare tactic failed. Mission failed. I'm not going to die tonight. I highly doubt I'll even need to leave the house. But yesterday I choked on some water and it took 20 minutes (with meds) to regulate my breathing. And I hate red tape.

Also, when the lady (#3) put me on hold to look into my situation don't you think she would have looked me up in the system in addition to ASKING AROUND? And when she asked around do you think it might have occured to her that people who may have left (Marie) since I last called may have spoken with me? MAYBE?