Abigail M. Schilling

Sorry I've been out of touch. I've been extremely busy. I'm terribly exausted and frustrated with people I love. I'm tired of work: it's too slow to keep me busy and too hot outside to be awake. Carolyn made me tea this morning and I'm waiting for it to cool, my phone rings all too often, and overall I'm so content with life that I could burst.

I was in a wedding last weekend that transgressed with so much of everything that it's hard to even remember parts of it. I do remember drinking too much one night but I was celebrating something really big and important and nobody got hurt. And besides, it was a wedding. Weddings make me crazy.

We were talking about tattoos yesterday. They said I should get one and I said I wanted one. "Well then do it!" Alex said and I looked at her like she was crazy. "Are you kidding? Do you know how much of a commitment a tattoo is? That's, like, for LIFE!" She said, "yeah, just like marriage," as if that would convince me. I told her I get hives when I think about marriage and that I can't pay attention in ceremonies or I actually get angry.

And this wedding was a little different. I still couldn't listen to the ceremony and the rehearsal dinner made me cringe but in the end I was happy for them. I was genuinely smiling and I couldn't really stop.

I'm so happy, I'm so full, that it seems crazy to complain about the small things. It seems crazy to complain about the weather or that I'm tired of all my clothes. And even though there are situations to be dealt with and things to fix and always the praying, I'm so happy. I feel a little bit like I'm repeating myself and yet it's many months later.

I started this by saying I was exhausted and frustrated. My point is (I think) that it's all in perspective.