Abigail M. Schilling

Yesterday I thought it was Tuesday. I kept saying, "today feels like Tuesday" out loud so that somehow I would stop thinking it or that someone would validate me and say, "Abigail, you're totally right and not crazy at all, it does feel like Tuesday."

But everyone did what they usually do: pretended they couldn't hear me.

I figured that today, the actual Tuesday I would pull myself together. There was, after all, weekly breakfast with Jon and Carolyn and the Tuesday schedule for work and assorted other activities that confirmed that today would be just your average TUESDAY.

And it felt like Wednesday. All. Day. Long.

Do you know how much longer a day seems when you think it's Wednesday, you know, the day before Thursday before Friday but it's actually NOT. It's only TUESDAY. Do you know how depressing that is?

I spent the morning exploring greater Los Angeles County and spending some quality time with the morning drive time DJs on the radio. Involuntarily. And every time I thought about the week and the driving and how I wanted to kill myself I would think only two more days. And then I'd catch myself and remember that it was only TUESDAY.

At one point I called Kathy and left the following message:

Hey, I've got some time on my hands and I realized that since it's Wednesday you don't have work and I think you might not have work because you have class but I was thinking that maybe you don't have class because it's the end of the semester and do you want to hang out? Call me.

I had time because I left work early (at 2:30). I started drinking at 3. See, it made a lot more sense to unload the dishwasher whilst drinking tequila. It also made sense to drink the tequila whilst doing a lot of other things. And I'd like to believe that when I was under the influence that I was pretty sure it was actually Tuesday.

In fact, I'm not really sure why I'm not drinking now. Tequila was the one thing making sense. And I've got a long week ahead of me.