Abigail M. Schilling

When I'm at home, about three quarters of the things I say are not my actual words but quotes (quotations) from movies, Friends episodes, SNL skits, and Jeni's butchering of all of the above.

When I'm at work, I have to turn off the recitations since the people I work with spend their time reading books and writing articles and I spend my time, well, watching Center Stage over and over again.

I have a pretty good censor for myself. I can turn off the quoting (and the swearing and the singing very loudly) when I'm at work and when I'm meeting my friend's parents and when I'm around small children. The censor does start to falter late at night and the more tired I am the more likely I am to break into full-fledge Chandler or Peter Gallagher without a moment's notice.

The truth is my real sense of humor is insanity. I laugh and laugh and laugh at really dumb things and people look at me like what the hell are you laughing at? Heather is the same way.

Yesterday, Carolyn had to go to this fancy piano concert lesson thing ("master class") and we really didn't want her to go. Heather and I decided we would devise a plan to get her out early so she could come see Eight Below (with His Hotness, Paul Walker) at the Dollar Theatre with us. (Not that I wouldn't pay full price for His Hotness.)

Heather: We can pretend to be his [the teacher master man] wife and call him on his phone and tell him we're in labor with his baby.
Carolyn: [scoffs] You guys, he doesn't have a wife, he's married to the piano. And he doesn't have a cell phone.
Abigail: Besides, isn't he like 80?
Heather: Alright, fine, it's his piano calling. She's pregnant.

Heather and I both started laughing so hard it hurt. Carolyn looked at us like we were crazy and we just kept making jokes.

A PIANO having a BABY?! That's CRAZY!

This morning, I had a hanger. You know, the kind you hang clothes on.

Hanger=sudden hilarity.

Heather I figured Hanger + Starbucks = BRILLIANCE. Here's a video of us on our way. I look so serious because I was concentrating very hard on DRIVING A CAR WITH A HANGER, SOMEONE SHOULD TAKE AWAY MY LICENSE.

And then, in this video you can hear:

• the most amazing dixie land song ever
  
• Heather and I laughing so hard because:
  
  
  
  • the buck deer in the dixie land song
    
  • the hanger
    
  • the fact that we've put the money for the coffee in the hanger
    
  • I'm "a monster"
    
  
  
• the barista trying to be nice to two crazy people
  

The thing is, Heather and I have watched this video about nine times and laugh just as hard every time. Everyone else who has seen it kinda blinks blankly and then proceeds to ignore us.

I have to go to work now and resume my totally normal facade.