Dear United Airlines,
I know this is the second time I have written you in two weeks but the incessant emailing is going to have to stop. I understand that you're go through some hard times and that may be why you think its a good idea to fly the A320 series cross-continentally but it's not a good idea and neither is your Business1 class.
Is that different from the Ameniti program that you're always trying to get me to join? Is that different than upgrading to Economy Plus? Because I'm not interested.
I am not a business traveller. I am just a traveller. I am not flying over 100,000 miles a year, I am not flying more than once a week. I don't know why you think I am.
Sure I may wear a collared shirt every day but tonight I had my laptop IN THE KITCHEN while I was COOKING and I spilled sauced all over the keyboard. Twice. Does that sound like someone who goes on business trips to you?
Also, that other email you sent to me today (in addition to the three mentioned above)? The one about the cruise to Hawaii? If I'm a business traveller do you really think I'm going to have time to save great on your cruise? Because I am up to my ears in ... expense reports and if we don't close the deal in Charleston I might as well say goodbye to petty cash. Besides, my wife is more of a Europe person. How come you never send me emails about Europe?
Bankruptcy is hard. For all of us. But not really for me so if you could please leave me alone and stick to emailing me my mileage summary (which is less than 100,000 miles--you just said it!) and slick flight deals to The ATL, we all would appreciate it.
Yours Truly.
Comments
I would also like to hear more about your Europe deals and your cheap cross-county flights from ATL to LAX.
What? What is that? Are you trying win me over with your handwriting, United? That's just... well... very clever.
Posted by: Heather Anne | January 5, 2006 10:40 PM
And by county, I obviously meant countRy.
Posted by: Heather Anne | January 5, 2006 10:41 PM
Is "Count Ry" related to "The Count" on sesame street?
And, Ghee, obviously you get loads of email... sometimes I like it that UAL thinks I might be a) successful enough to fly business class, or b) have enough money to fly away to some exotic vacation. I take all the thrills I can get!
Momma loves her girl.
Posted by: Sally Schilling | January 6, 2006 12:59 PM
Wow ... that's a lot of hate.
Posted by: SHEPHERD | January 6, 2006 2:11 PM
nice holidailies average. i'm so proud of you!
Posted by: Emily | January 7, 2006 1:26 AM
I made the sidebar, and I didn't even have to ask!! (even though I really wanted to...)
Posted by: matt | January 7, 2006 1:45 PM
Shepherd and you look alike. Many's the time I've looked at his smug gleaming face, and your smug gleaming face and thought "Which one was adopted?" Veritable twins separated at birth, I say. Scwinched up eyes and puffy cheeks when you smile... I am fascinated. Blog comparison forthcoming.
Posted by: amanda | January 7, 2006 4:16 PM